30 Before 30 Bucket List

Life is marked in many ways. The passage of time, aging, the world changing around us. But, as Ayn Rand said, “Achieving life is not the same as avoiding death.” On the days when I feel as though I’ve accomplished nothing in my life, it helps me to think back on the goals I’ve set for myself that I was actually able to achieve. I love lists, I love checking things off, and I still use a paper planner that I can write things in (much to the consternation of my friends).

Hence, when I heard one of my friends had created a “25 Before 25” bucket list, I jumped on the idea. So, here is my 30 Before 30 Bucket List. I have a traditional bucket list, but that is a post for another day. More than anything, these things help me track progress, give me a sense of fulfillment, and push me outside my comfort zone. “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

Before Shot

After Shot. Yes, it's supposed to be abstract.

My 30 Before 30 Bucket List (created and started July 2013)

1. Participate in 30 Races
2. Work in 30 Different Temples
3. Read 30 Books
4. Olympic Length Triathlon
5. Learn Archery
6. Learn 30 Songs on the Guitar
7. Random Act of Kindness for a Stranger 
8. Paint
9. Learn 30 Arabic Phrases
10. Take a Dance Class
11. Hike Mt. Timpanogos
12. Learn to Fire a Gun
13. Run a Marathon
14. Visit Disney World
15. Visit New York
16. Watch the top 10 Movies on AFI’s 100 Greatest Movies
17. Write a Newspaper Article and Get Published
18. Watch a Movie in a Drive In
19. Try 30 New Recipes
20. Visit one of the Madame Tussauds Museums
21. Record dad reading Dr. Suess
22. Record dad’s thoughts on life
23. Try 30 New Restaurants
24. Drive a Race Car
25. Ride a Segway
26. Visit Hawaii
27. Get CPR Certified
28. Learn to Tie a Tie
29. Order Room Service 
30. Get a New Job

Some of them are easier than others – I’m already on book 20 for goal number 3 – but I’ve enjoyed working my way through them and imagining ways to accomplish the others. Rita Mae Brown said, “We animals live life in all its glorious uncertainty.” Here’s to living life to its fullest.

As You Wish

Someone recently spent a year interviewing couples of all backgrounds and longevity. The results from his study were interesting, and not entirely surprising. The secrets to happiness in marriage were things like choosing to be happy no matter what, putting your spouse first, being willing to communicate. At the end of article I read, he quoted a woman who had been happily married for 50 years. When asked what the secret to happiness in marriage was, she paused for a moment and responded, “Don’t be afraid to be the one who loves the most.”

To love someone is the greatest emotion I have ever felt. To have that loved returned is so beautiful, so overwhelmingly amazing. I love the phrase, “I didn’t know that I could love someone that much” because that’s exactly how love feels. The more you give, the more it grows. It’s infinite. Tyler Knott Gregson described it, “And you loved me like I was and had always been the answer and the question did not and would never matter.”

But to love is to be vulnerable. Mitch Albom wrote, “Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. the new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable…”

One of the most selfless couples I've ever known.

The loud voices in the world would have us believe that we must always be in control, that we must always have the upperhand. A movie trailer I watched recently exclaimed that the first person to say “I love you” is the one who gets broken in the relationship. Taking that leap is the most terrifying thing, especially when you don’t know if they person you are falling towards will catch you. But it is only in taking risks in life that we have success. Terri Clark wrote, “If this love has any chance at all, someone has to be the first to fall.”

“The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.” I’ve watched my friends and family find and build strong, beautiful marriages. They are all different personalities and they live in very different circumstances. But the one thing that I see in common is that they are not afraid of loving the people in their families. They are not afraid of being the one who loves more.

What a beautiful thing. Worth waiting for.

Toughness is in the Soul

I’ve always been a big girl. One of my earliest memories of elementary school was sitting on a swing and the boy next to me calling me fat. It would be easy to blame it on something like bad habits and a sedentary lifestyle, but my mother was one of the healthiest cooks I’ve ever met. We had home-cooked meals, homemade lunches, desserts only appeared on special occasions and any request for a snack was met with fruit or vegetables. My parents had us work hard and play hard: we maintained a garden as a family, spent our summer vacations hiking through the gorgeous Utah mountains and were encouraged to participate in as many sports as we could fit into our schedules. I did ballet, gymnastics, basketball, track, cross country . . . always healthy, just not skinny.

My "before" shot on my mission, at my peak weight.

Things got drastically worse on my mission. In a culture where vegetables rarely appear, carbs are the norm, and everything has a healthy dose of oil and mayonnaise, my diet went out the window. Add in the stress of being a missionary, and my weight got out of control. I came home determined to change. I had never been able to lose weight easily, but I had some extremely good help along the way, and I worked hard to lose 60 pounds.

Not your typical "after" shot, but you get the idea. And he's cute.

I wanted to start my blog this way because I want everyone to understand how much it means to me to be healthy. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I know what it’s like to feel unhealthy. I know what that struggle can feel like, and I know the amazing feeling of accomplishment when you finally hit that illusive weight goal.

But something in our culture is wrong. Because “fat-shaming” is a word that we all recognize. Because Jennifer Lawrence stands out in Hollywood as one of the only actresses proud of the way she looks right now. Because we can pay to have our children’s school photos airbrushed. Because women are pushing other women to look and act a certain way, just to try to achieve something that’s shoved in our faces every time we check out at the grocery store.

I went into the gym several months ago for a free training session. I like to try new things, and it seemed a waste to not at least give it a shot. As I sat down with the trainer, he had me fill out a sheet with my height and weight, and then asked me what my “fitness goals” were. I explained that I had just run a half marathon and was training for a triathlon, so I was pretty happy as I was but that I wanted to just increase speed and endurance and do better at cross training. He then proceeded to try to shame me into purchasing training sessions, explaining that I was obese according to his wall chart. I stared at him, dumbfounded, and explained that I was spending 1-2 hours every day training, that I felt fantastic and was happy with how I looked. He insisted that until I fit within the dimensions of his chart, I was obese, unhealthy and could never improve my way of life. I powered through the next 45 minute training session solely on anger. I wanted to scream at him, “My roommate called me “one of those crazy running people” two days ago! I’ve worked so hard and come so far! I’m happy and I feel good; why isn’t that enough???”

My most recent triathlon, where I blew my PR out of the water. Pun intended.

Don’t get me wrong – I could do a lot better. I love food. I love unhealthy food. A guy I was dating once said, “I think you appreciate food more than most people do.” While editing my online dating profile, one of my sisters told me I might want to remove a few of the references to food, since it kind of looked like I’m obsessed. One of my favorite parts of racing is the carb loading the night before, and the fact that the day after a race, I feel justified in eating whatever I want. I could eat a few less pizzas each year. I could avoid desserts more frequently. I could cook more and eat out less. 

But here’s the thing: that’s MY decision. That’s MY choice. That is between me and my body and my soul. And we’ll handle things on our own.

Sometimes, the goal of a picture is to make yourself look as ugly as possible.

Let's also mention that my value in life is not what's on the scale. I work hard, I play hard. I've made amazing friends, I've traveled all over the world, I've started and ended many relationships, I've made good choices and stupid choices, I've learned, I've grown, I've changed. Can we focus on the other stuff in our lives besides how much weight we put on over our cruise? "To be heroic is to be courageous enough to die for something; to be inspirational is to be crazy enough to live a little."

Best friends, on a trip to South Africa.

 There was a lot of buzz going around about a young mother who posted a shot of her gorgeous body with her three small children with the question, “What’s Your Excuse?” Again, please don’t misunderstand. If that’s what makes her feel good – fantastic! Good for her! I’m amazed by her will power and dedication and I’m glad that makes her happy! But I take issue with her trying to guilt others. Why, why, why do we do this to each other? Yes, obesity is a problem. Yes, we need to find ways to fix it as a society. But heralding physical perfection as the only option is not the solution.

I don’t know the solution honestly. I’ve found mine: I just listen to my body and my heart and act accordingly. Sometimes my heart really, really wants a burger and fries and I listen. Sometimes my body craves a 12 mile run, and I’m happy to oblige. Sometimes they both want a huge dark green veggie salad with light Italian dressing and we all win.

Can’t we all just take a step back and stop judging? Let’s just worry about our own happiness, and trying to make the world around us a little bit better. Taryn Brumfitt says on her blog, “Health is not dictated by your looks. Health is physical, emotion and spiritual and so much more that is not visible and not always obvious to others.” (I LOVE her stuff – see her blog here: http://bodyimagemovement.com.au/)

Kumbaya!!

Amy's Online Dating Tips

Disclaimer: This list is essentially useless for everyone besides the small group of men interested in getting to know me, because it has nothing to do with data collection or scientific analysis or anything universally useful. Just my thoughts on the online dating universe.

1. You’re great just the way you are. Use a recent photo, for both our sakes.

2. There are maybe 2-3 people who should know how much money you make. And until we’re engaged, I’m not one of them. 

3. If you’re going to try to start something up with someone, ignore them for 6 months, then try to start something up again like the last time never happened, at least use a different pick up line.

4. The only acceptable shirt-less pictures are those taken while swimming – not selfies in the bathroom mirror.

5. While I understand the desire to keep your options open, if you put that you are “LDS” and a “Social Drinker,” I feel like you’re trying to cast a net that’s a bit too wide.

6. If we’ve emailed back and forth more than 4 times, it’s safe to assume that we both find each other reasonably attractive and can carry on a virtual conversation. Just ask to meet me. I can only be so charming via email – the full extent of my awesome-ness is only revealed in person.

7. Biggest pet peeve – not using correct punctuation, grammar and capitalization in your profile or correspondence. Using the “shift” key doesn’t take THAT much more effort.

8. Remember that although I can see every time you look at my profile, looking at my profile on a daily basis but never actually contacting me doesn’t count as reaching out to me. 

9. Don’t ever include the word “destiny” in your first interaction with someone.

10. Scott Adams said, “Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.” So keep it up – one day it will pay off for both of us.