Bah, Humbug

Christmas is my favorite time of year. The lights, the music, the family, the food - it has never lost its magic. The one thing that's hard about Christmas for me is being alone. And with the end of the latest in what feels like a never-ending string of failed relationships, I find myself newly single for the holidays. So tonight while my family walked through an elaborate display of lights, music and smells, I'm somewhat embarrassed to confess that I found myself distracted with the all-too familiar feeling of heartache and loneliness and longing. And let's be honest - an unhealthy dose of feeling sorry for myself.  

Eventually we turned from the brightly colored lights into a display full of soft, glowing luminaries. They called the area "Light of the World" and there were a dozen statues portraying events in Christ's life. Giving sight to the blind, teaching, showing forgiveness and kindness to all. As I wandered through the path depicting beautiful moments of clarity and love from our Savior, I was overwhelmed with a different feeling. Peace. Howard W. Hunter said, "The real Christmas comes to him who has taken Christ into his life as a moving, dynamic, vitalizing force."

Like Ebeneezer Scrooge, the Grinch and so many who have come before me, I have been considering Christmas in the wrong way. It's not about holding hands while you walk through lights. It's not about having the coolest picture to post on social media. It's not about having someone to make elaborate holidays plans with. Christmas is about Christ. It's about love and peace, generosity and kindness. It's about looking outside of my own selfish world and seeing how I can lift the load of those around me. 

The final sculpture in the garden is a depiction of Christ walking on the water. Back then, he said, "Peace, be still." He still says that today, as we experience our own storms and trials in life. He is always reaching out. And the true spirit of Christmas is for us to reach out too. "Pure Christ-like love flowing from true righteousness can change the world." "This Christmas mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and in deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again."

My dear, lovely reader - may you have all the celebrations you hope for. May you get all the cheeseball and fudge you can eat. May you feel the love of the people around you, and especially the love of the Savior. And may your days be merry and bright. Merry Christmas.

The Place Whereon Thou Standest is Holy Ground

One of my favorite cinematic moments was written by William Goldman: “Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” While it’s a pessimistic sentiment, there’s a lot of truth to it. Life is just . . . hard. There are really amazingly wonderful moments, but those moments tend to be wonderful because we make them so through hard work. We usually don’t like to talk about or hear about the hard things – it’s why social media feeds are full of the high points of our lives and why our automatic response to any inquiry into our well-being is, “I’m good!”

The past few weeks have been hard. The specifics aren’t important, but I’ve been going through what everybody goes through at different stages of their lives – intense disappointment and pain. There have been many hours of tears, phone calls to my life lines and a deep need to stay busy. More importantly, when I am faced with uncertainty, the only thing I know to do is to turn completely to my Heavenly Father. As Abraham Lincoln is credited with saying, “I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.” When my life seems to implode on itself and the peace of the world leaves me to my own devices, seeking the peace of the Lord just makes sense. The peace that comes not to free us from our circumstances, but in spite of our circumstances. The grace that gives us power and strength beyond what we normally would have the capacity to withstand.

I remember in the Missionary Training Center, one of my teachers said that he had “received freely” from the Lord on his mission. That is, quite simply, the only way I can describe what life has been like for me lately. I was talking with my sister last week, describing some of the things that I have felt and experienced. In an off hand way, I said that I wished that I didn’t have to go through this particular experience. Her response changed everything – she told me not to think of this time as a time of pain, but to make this a holy time. To take the amazing experiences and learnings that I’ve had and make them the focal point. We can make the darkest, most difficult moments of our lives intensely beautiful and meaningful in hindsight by focusing on what we are learning, how we are growing and what we can improve within ourselves. Become tough and tender, dear reader. And when all else fails, remember: sometimes it’s a good day if you get through the day without hitting or biting anyone.