Learning a new language is
hard. Trying to express the deepest, most sacred thoughts in one’s heart is
hard. Trying to express the deepest, most sacred thoughts in one’s heart in a
new language is … hard. Which essentially describes my LDS mission. Hard.
I had been in Uruguay for 6 weeks when I had a change of companion and I was suddenly facing someone
that didn’t speak English, and who was dependent on me to explain who everyone
was. My buffer was gone; it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.
I sat on the roof of our small apartment clutching my scriptures and crying.
Yes, it was as pathetic as you imagine.
In this particular city,
there was a man in the leadership of the church who wasn’t overly happy about
having female missionaries. We had several run ins with him that escalated to
the point where the bishop had to intervene. He was the first counselor in the
bishopric, so it made things pretty awkward. My first Sunday after my
English-speaking companion left, they made a change in the bishopric. What I
understood was that the man who had been complaining about having sister
missionaries had just been made the bishop. I was scared to death of him from
our previous encounters, but I wanted to start things off on a good foot and
see if I could repair the damage, so I walked straight up to him after the
meeting and said, “Congratulations, brother!”
It wasn’t until several
weeks later that I realized what had ACTUALLY happened was that he was released
from his calling in the bishopric because of his altercations with the
missionaries. Yeah, big oops. This story still fills me with complete chagrin
and embarrassment. I really wish I could explain to him, apologize profusely,
and then potentially sink into a hole in the ground at his feet. I recounted
this story to a friend the other day, and through her laughter, she replied, “You
were part of his refining process!”
It was a casual comment,
but it stopped me in my tracks. At first, I was horrified – I know those
“refining” moments and they are terribly painful and hard. I never wanted to be
part of someone’s refining process! I was sincerely trying to do what I thought
was right – that’s not fair to him that he had to deal with my incompetency in
Spanish.
Another story.
You’ve seen Frozen, right?
When Anna’s in trouble, she turns to the man she trusts for an act of true
love. He tells her that he never loved her and locks her in a room for her
heart to freeze over. (I find an unsettlingly large number of parallels from my
life to hers, but we won’t delve too deeply into that.) She finds the act of
love herself by looking OUTSIDE of herself to the needs of others. Love will
thaw.
In Anna’s case, Hans was
part of her refining process. She walked away a little older, a little wiser,
perhaps a little more cautious in her choices, and most likely with some pain
she’d never experienced before.
In the end, we are all a
part of each other’s refining processes. Intentional or not, we will
all cause pain in someone else’s life. We’re beautifully imperfect people,
trying to find happiness and meaning in what we do, and along the way, we say
things and do things that hurt, injure, insult and demean each other. Rather
than allow this to create rifts between us, it should make us more
understanding and patient with the imperfections we each have. Bryant McGill
said, “As your consciousness, refinement and pureness of heart expands you will
become less judgmental, less corrective, less reactive, less black-and-white,
less critical, less apt to blame and less tormented by others and their faults
and views.”To refine means to, “remove impurities or unwanted elements.” In an industrial setting, this refining process almost always means being put through heat and pressure – it’s incredibly uncomfortable. It is also completely necessary to become more than ourselves. To become the best we can be. “I have come to believe that our innate purpose is nothing more than to be the greatest version of ourselves. It is a process of refinement, improvement, and enhancement. When you are aligned with this process and living your purpose, you have the potential of creating something amazing.” (Steve Maraboli)
