Ever get an ominous feeling about the future?
Breakdown of my current situation. I could give you a very monotonous rundown of everything I have to accomplish in the next 7 days, but suffice it to say my goals at this point are all around surviving. I graduate in 7 weeks. My lease is up in 2 months. I turn 31 in 3 months, which isn’t significant in any other culture, but in Mormon culture means that I’m too old to attend the singles program at church. (I’m single by choice . . . just not my choice.) I don’t have a job yet, nor do I even know which state I will end up in. I feel like I’m out to sea in uncertainty desperately paddling in a circle, creating a whirlpool that’s sucking the boat out from underneath me.
I recently had two amazing opportunities present themselves to me. Sometimes it feels like God or the universe (depending on what you believe) is pointing you in a specific direction and telling you to believe in a specific opportunity. That’s how I felt! I was certain they were two distinct answers to my prayers – that I had been led to this point because this was what was meant to happen. Yesterday I discovered that wasn’t the case – that both of these “miracles” in my life were actually dead ends. And instead of finding the direction I’ve been desperately seeking, I found myself feeling foolish. Foolish for believing. For hoping. For trying.
Ultimately, yet again life is turning to a different course than I wanted. There is a lesson that I am learning the hard way, but it’s important: as long as I continue to do my best, God will lead me to where I’m supposed to be. It sometimes requires doors slamming shut, false starts and heading down the wrong road. Sometimes you have to head down a path simply because it’s the fastest way to discover that’s not the right path for you to take. But these false starts and dead ends can bring new strengths, new lessons, and new opportunities. “A new calling beckons us away from comfortable routines wherein the needed competencies have already been developed.”
Have faith in the process. It will all work out. Doesn’t mean that I’ll get the killer job. Doesn’t mean I’ll meet the Mormon version of Matt Damon. Doesn’t mean that I won’t get cancer or that my hair will always look great or that people will always be nice. It means just that – it will all work out.