All The Wisdom Experience Can Instill

I love taking pictures. I love capturing people, feelings, moments, thoughts and memories. I feel like pictures take me back to where I was, remind me of things that I’ve forgotten, and tell stories that would be impossible to communicate otherwise. Obviously there are pictures that are more significant than others – I take a picture of my pedometer every day...those pictures probably aren’t significant in the grand scheme of things. As I’ve been reflecting back on 2017 though, I wanted to tell a story with the pictures that mean something to me.

I took this photo on New Years. I was heartbroken, terrified about the future, uncertain of what I was doing, and freezing to death. Celebrating with friends at Top Golf as 2016 counted down, I ran into the bathroom to hide. As I looked into the mirror, I distinctly remember thinking to myself in a quiet voice, "...I look pretty." It was such a simple thing, but it was the boost I needed to keep going. I decided to take a "bathroom selfie" to remind myself that feeling my lowest doesn't diminish my worth. And that 2017 was going to be better. It was going to bring flowers. Because I had spent 2016 planting flowers.

I spent a good portion of the new year praying that I could feel confident in what I was capable of - praying that I would have the guts to do what I knew would be necessary over the coming months. As per usual, God came through in spectacular fashion. I was asked to speak at an event based on the TED talks about how hard things end up shaping us more than any easy part of life possibly could. A good friend flew out to watch, and I was reminded of how amazing my life has been.

On the way to my nephew's graduation, I grabbed a fortune cookie. Turned out to be prophetic, as I was offered my amazing job at Larry H Miller Sports and Entertainment shortly after I took this picture! My job is a huge blessing in my life - I love what I do, who I work for and the people around me. 

I decided to go back to grad school because I felt stagnant in my life - I felt like I wasn't really progressing, and grad school sounded hard. Well . . . turns out that it was! Hard in ways I anticipated, and in so many ways I didn't. I felt like I had every weak part of me laid open for the world to see. Graduation was such a happy, beautiful way to commemorate everything I went through and learned. Mom and dad flew out, and I took this selfie as we were headed to the ceremony. It ended up being very significant in my life, because it's the picture I chose to load into the Mutual dating app . . . 

5 years ago, I was serving as Relief Society president in my ward and desperately lonely. In exactly the child-like way you're envisioning, I asked God if he would please send me some friends. The ladies in this picture were literally an answer to that prayer. One of them met me, and the thought immediately came into her mind, "The Relief Society president needs a friend." As per my previous posts, my 31 birthday was filled with trepidation and sadness, but these ladies threw me the perfect birthday party, full of my favorite things. It was the perfect way to calm me down and get me focused back on how lovely life can be.

Because mountains. And hiking. And pretty.

This man. Geez. I don't even know how to describe how perfect he is for me. We went to the Lantern Festival together. On his, he wrote, "I've never been happier. I love Amy." I was so terrified to tell him that I loved him, even though I knew I did. As the music played and the lanterns were rising into the air, he pulled me into his arms and told me he loved me. It was the most perfect moment I've ever experienced. I kissed him, and as I started to pull away to tell him that I loved him too . . . a lit lantern came crashing into his head. From a few feet away, someone yelled, "Sorry!" amd we dissolved into laughter. It only took me another 2 weeks to work my courage back up to tell him what I felt. :)

The contrast between the end of 2016 and the end of 2017 is so stark, it almost feels fake to me. From Arizona to Utah, from heartbroken to engaged, from student to career, from anxiety to peace. I have no delusions that any of the amazing things that happened this year were brought about by me: sometimes life hands you something lovely, and I just happened to get caught in the cosmic cross hairs of goodness. But I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I was in the right place at the right time. A huge thank you to my cheering squad, my amazing family and friends, who incredibly never seem to lose faith in the future. "Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us." May your days be merry and bright, dear ones.