Love Anyway

This is, undoubtedly, becoming a tired subject for those of you who read my blog consistently. But as someone who has spent most of her adult life getting into and out of relationships, it’s on my mind quite a bit.

It’s incredibly rare for me to like someone less the more I get to know them. I heard a quote awhile back that said, “There isn’t a person you wouldn’t love if you could read their story.” For me, this absolutely proves to be true: unless someone does something heartless that hurts me or the people around me and shows no regrets, the more I get to know someone, the more I care for and about them. It is definitely one of my gifts, to love people exactly as they are.

As has been referenced in pop culture, everyone has a “dark side” that is usually only revealed with time and experience. We all have bruises and scars inside of us that tend to impact the way we react to the world around us. They manifest themselves in insecurities, overreactions, and sometimes cause us to shut down completely. Oddly enough, I love scars – the physical and the emotional kind. They represent life and experiences and stories and relationships and are proof of what people have overcome. I love the experience of getting to know people well because their scars help me understand the battles they have fought and are currently fighting.

It is the most terrifying experience I know to show someone my scars. I’m a very open, honest person and I don’t really hold back – it’s one of my greatest strengths and my biggest flaws. I often feel like Marilyn Monroe once expressed, “I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” It sometimes feels like the instant I show someone my scars, they bolt terrified in the other direction. This is definitely something I need to work on – I give too much too soon. I just don’t know where the line between vulnerability and good sense lies.

Whenever I go into an unproductive cycle of analyzing everything about me and how I interact and wishing I just didn’t care as much as I do, I always come back to the same conclusion. (Please forgive me if this seems overly analytical and digging too deep – another of my many flaws.) I’ve spent my entire life doing things so that I will be more like my Savior. My main goals have always been centered on creating habits that will bring me closer to Him, although I seem to mess up my path constantly. And He cared. He kept His scars. He was kind and cared about others and felt things deeply. So while I need to work on not being so easily offended and hurt, I’m grateful for the ability to feel things deeply. To love people fully and openly and eternally. To be vulnerable.