The One Choosing to Love

My parents just returned from serving a mission for their church, and with their return came my entire family to visit. To put it in perspective, it's over 50 people. Days were spent with outings, eating, changing diapers, quick conversations in passing and staying up too late just enjoying each others' company. As I observed the bustle of each family my siblings have formed, I was struck by how different each marriage and family seems to function, and yet they all do in fact function. Different communication, discipline, schedules, habits and dietary restrictions, but overall a lot of love. That's what I've felt this week: the unconditional love of people who think the world of each other and don't withhold it.

My niece a.k.a. The Baby Whisperer

C.S. Lewis said, "Everyone feels benevolent if nothing happens to be annoying him at the moment." Frequently this is how the media portrays true love: in it's glory moments. The times when everyone's hair is perfect, no one has been crying, the crisis has passed, declarations have been made and true love's kiss experienced. The credits roll and we walk out feeling warm and fuzzy and sighing. Ok . . . maybe that's just me. But the fact of the matter is that this only represents a small portion of true love. In fact, the part of true love that fades away. Disease, death, work troubles, depression, bad hair days, and life interrupt moments where everyone looks and feels perfect. That's when true love, unconditional love kicks in. That's when you have to choose it.

Unconditional. I love that word for some reason. It's probably because I love absolutes. I love physics and math and statistics because they are predictable; they are stable. In reality, nothing is absolute. (Irony? Maybe.) Even the laws of physics change because our understanding of them changes. Statistical modeling can be incorrect. People and markets and nature are irrational. Unconditional love is an amazing concept, but it only comes through the power of choice. And not one choice, but a succession of choices. Choosing every single day to look past the insanity of life and pain and disappointment and humanity, and then choosing to actively love people no matter what. "The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love."

The greatest compliment I ever received was a friend who once told me, "I love that you're so human. And you're not afraid of it." While I disappoint myself on a regular basis, I'm not afraid of the fact that I'm not perfect. And I'm not afraid of the humanity of the people around me. I wish we would all allow each other the room to be human, to make mistakes, to learn and grow, and then forgive and move forward. "To enter heaven is to become more human than you ever succeeded in being on earth; to enter hell is to be banished from humanity." I will make mistakes every day. As long as they are different ones than I made yesterday, I'm getting somewhere. Please just allow me to be human.

Unconditional love doesn't mean that we don't want the people we love to become their best. On the contrary, "Love, in it's own nature, demands the perfecting of the beloved." Loving someone unconditionally means that we desire the very best for them and of them. "Love may, indeed, love the beloved when her beauty is lost; but not because it is lost. Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but love cannot cease to will their removal." In a similar fashion, our Heavenly Father loves us with all he has, he allows us to make mistakes so that we can grow and become the eternal, perfect beings he sees we have the potential to become.

Perhaps it's a romantic notion; perhaps it is unrealistic. But in all my searching and dating, ultimately this is what I am looking for: someone to choose me. Everyday. Even on my bad hair days.

My crazy, wonderful friends, who teach me every day
what it is to accept patiently the things that are not ideal about life.