Today would have been my mother’s 71st birthday.
It’s been almost 13 years and I’m amazed at how I seem to miss her more as time
goes on. This last week was particularly hard, due mostly to my long hours at
work, short hours of sleep, high levels of stress and some difficult questions
weighing on my mind. She was so smart and kind and full of wisdom; sometimes I
feel certain that if I could talk to her, she would have the perfect answer to
fix everything.
I was lucky enough to date a great guy who sings in the
Mormon Tabernacle Choir this summer – it didn’t work out, but I got in the
habit of going to Music and the Spoken Word every Sunday. When we broke up, I
didn’t go because it just seemed best to stay away. However, on Sunday morning
I felt really strongly that I should get up and go. I asked a couple of friends
to come along, but no one was free so I went by myself. It was their
Thanksgiving special - the music was beautiful, but I was distracted and caught
up in memories and my own thoughts.
And then, they started singing their last song – “Come Thou
Fount.” Instantly, tears filled my eyes. That was the song I sang at my mother’s
funeral. That song represents everything my mother stood for, and the plea
that I so frequently bring to my Heavenly Father in prayer. It was like a huge
hug from my mom, and a reminder that He is so aware of me.
(As a side note, the guy sitting in front of me happened to
turn around and see me crying – he was very much interested in engaging me in
conversation about my distress, so I was glad they were recording and we couldn’t
talk! It was probably pretty entertaining to watch.)
I don’t pretend to believe that “Come Thou Font” was chosen
for that broadcast JUST because I was having a rough week and needed a little
TLC. I know that those programs are planned out in advance and a lot of
planning and coordination goes into them. However, I believe that God knows
what we need and gives us guidance to put us in the right place at the right
time to get what we need. He is constantly trying to answer our prayers – we just
have to be willing to trust Him and do as He asks.
Life is so imperfect. There are ups and downs, highs and
lows. Only finding happiness in the high moments is no way to live. We must
choose to feel gratitude, not just for ‘things’ but feeling gratitude in all circumstances.
“This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It
surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as
beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of
summer.” I need to work on just feeling gratitude, not necessarily towards
certain things, but in general. However, I do want to express gratitude for a
few things.
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| He taught me everything good I know. |
My amazing family, who give me a straight path to follow to
happiness. My nieces and nephews, who bring me so much joy and teach me to be
better. My dad, the voice in my head telling me that I can accomplish anything
I want to. My friends, who tolerate my insanity with patience and humor. Music,
for reminding me to feel something significant every day. My job, and of course
the co-workers that come along with it for making getting up in the morning
easier. My country. My freedom. Mountains. Spreadsheets. Diet Coke.
And of course, for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for shaping
every moment of my life, giving meaning to my trials and struggles, and
bringing me the hope and strength to find joy in the journey of life. Happy
Holidays, dear ones.
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| For the beauty of the earth. |
