Gorgeous At The End

Learning a new language is hard. Trying to express the deepest, most sacred thoughts in one’s heart is hard. Trying to express the deepest, most sacred thoughts in one’s heart in a new language is … hard. Which essentially describes my LDS mission. Hard.

I had been in Uruguay for 6 weeks when I had a change of companion and I was suddenly facing someone that didn’t speak English, and who was dependent on me to explain who everyone was. My buffer was gone; it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I sat on the roof of our small apartment clutching my scriptures and crying. Yes, it was as pathetic as you imagine.

In this particular city, there was a man in the leadership of the church who wasn’t overly happy about having female missionaries. We had several run ins with him that escalated to the point where the bishop had to intervene. He was the first counselor in the bishopric, so it made things pretty awkward. My first Sunday after my English-speaking companion left, they made a change in the bishopric. What I understood was that the man who had been complaining about having sister missionaries had just been made the bishop. I was scared to death of him from our previous encounters, but I wanted to start things off on a good foot and see if I could repair the damage, so I walked straight up to him after the meeting and said, “Congratulations, brother!”

It wasn’t until several weeks later that I realized what had ACTUALLY happened was that he was released from his calling in the bishopric because of his altercations with the missionaries. Yeah, big oops. This story still fills me with complete chagrin and embarrassment. I really wish I could explain to him, apologize profusely, and then potentially sink into a hole in the ground at his feet. I recounted this story to a friend the other day, and through her laughter, she replied, “You were part of his refining process!”

It was a casual comment, but it stopped me in my tracks. At first, I was horrified – I know those “refining” moments and they are terribly painful and hard. I never wanted to be part of someone’s refining process! I was sincerely trying to do what I thought was right – that’s not fair to him that he had to deal with my incompetency in Spanish.

Another story.

You’ve seen Frozen, right? When Anna’s in trouble, she turns to the man she trusts for an act of true love. He tells her that he never loved her and locks her in a room for her heart to freeze over. (I find an unsettlingly large number of parallels from my life to hers, but we won’t delve too deeply into that.) She finds the act of love herself by looking OUTSIDE of herself to the needs of others. Love will thaw.

In Anna’s case, Hans was part of her refining process. She walked away a little older, a little wiser, perhaps a little more cautious in her choices, and most likely with some pain she’d never experienced before.

In the end, we are all a part of each other’s refining processes. Intentional or not, we will all cause pain in someone else’s life. We’re beautifully imperfect people, trying to find happiness and meaning in what we do, and along the way, we say things and do things that hurt, injure, insult and demean each other. Rather than allow this to create rifts between us, it should make us more understanding and patient with the imperfections we each have. Bryant McGill said, “As your consciousness, refinement and pureness of heart expands you will become less judgmental, less corrective, less reactive, less black-and-white, less critical, less apt to blame and less tormented by others and their faults and views.”

To refine means to, “remove impurities or unwanted elements.” In an industrial setting, this refining process almost always means being put through heat and pressure – it’s incredibly uncomfortable. It is also completely necessary to become more than ourselves. To become the best we can be. “I have come to believe that our innate purpose is nothing more than to be the greatest version of ourselves. It is a process of refinement, improvement, and enhancement. When you are aligned with this process and living your purpose, you have the potential of creating something amazing.” (Steve Maraboli)