Ever get an ominous feeling about the future?
Breakdown of my current situation. I could give you a very
monotonous rundown of everything I have to accomplish in the next 7 days, but
suffice it to say my goals at this point are all around surviving. I graduate
in 7 weeks. My lease is up in 2 months. I turn 31 in 3 months, which isn’t
significant in any other culture, but in Mormon culture means that I’m too old
to attend the singles program at church. (I’m single by choice . . . just not
my choice.) I don’t have a job yet, nor do I even know which state I will end
up in. I feel like I’m out to sea in uncertainty desperately paddling in a
circle, creating a whirlpool that’s sucking the boat out from underneath me. 
I recently had two amazing opportunities present themselves
to me. Sometimes it feels like God or the universe (depending on what you
believe) is pointing you in a specific direction and telling you to believe in
a specific opportunity. That’s how I felt! I was certain they
were two distinct answers to my prayers – that I had been led to this point
because this was what was meant to happen. Yesterday I discovered that wasn’t
the case – that both of these “miracles” in my life were actually dead ends.
And instead of finding the direction I’ve been desperately seeking, I found
myself feeling foolish. Foolish for believing. For hoping. For trying.
Ultimately, yet again life is turning to a different course
than I wanted. There is a lesson that I am learning the hard way, but it’s
important: as long as I continue to do my best, God will lead me to where I’m
supposed to be. It sometimes requires doors slamming shut, false starts and
heading down the wrong road. Sometimes you have to head down a path simply
because it’s the fastest way to discover that’s not the right path for you to
take. But these false starts and dead ends can bring new strengths, new
lessons, and new opportunities. “A new calling beckons us away from comfortable
routines wherein the needed competencies have already been developed.”
Have faith in the process. It will all work out. Doesn’t
mean that I’ll get the killer job. Doesn’t mean
